so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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