Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
