Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
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