i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
