No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Don't make out with my wife yet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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