By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
