My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
