Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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