Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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