well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
