I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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