Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize