Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
