omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Boobs are out for the taking
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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