My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
