it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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