Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
