What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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