I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
