we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
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From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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