If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
