Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
