My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
