My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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