dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Life is so much better after having sex.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
