I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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