I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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