No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Still dying that you shit outside
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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