That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
