Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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