Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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