Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
