i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
