I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
