Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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