what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
