Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize