so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
