My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
