i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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