Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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