You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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