This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
bring money and cleavage
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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