How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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