I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
