We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
