great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
