I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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