the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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