So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
