i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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