No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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