My friends, they love my intelligence
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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