If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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