i will never coherently bang her
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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