I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
