3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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