Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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