I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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