we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
