you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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