he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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