I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
