Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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