did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
