So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
