Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
