If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
