I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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