You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Rumble strips road head = magical
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
