so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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