Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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