ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
