And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
