i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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