This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
