you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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